


Reunited

by Melime



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: s04e06 Rejoined, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 13:59:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7643287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate version of the episode 04x06 – Rejoined.</p><p>Lenara is severely wounded in the accident, and is taken to the station for treatment. Learning that there’s a chance that Lenara won’t survive and that Trill doctors are on their way with a new host, Jadzia realizes how much she loves Lenara, and that she would do anything for them to be together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reunited

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [Reencontro](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7643299) by [Melime GreenLeaf (Melime)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime%20GreenLeaf)



> Many thanks to my beta Alfer.

Jadzia was still shaking, she hadn’t stopped since she saw Lenara lying unconscious surrounded by toxic fumes. At the time, she acted on impulse, but it was funny how this sort of emergency had a way of exposing priorities. Jadzia risked not only her life, but also that of Dax, since under those circumstances the trauma might have been too severe even for her symbiont.

The first priority of a joined Trill is to protect the symbiont. That was no longer the case, or maybe that had never truly been the case for her. As a Starfleet officer, there was always a chance that her life would end under circumstances that wouldn’t allow for the preservation of the symbiont, but she never had an issue with that risk. Was it so much worse that now her priorities were shifted because of love, not because of duty?

They had just returned to the station, and Julian had finally managed to stabilize her condition, but the unsaid fear was that it was too late. Dr. Pren’s request that a substitute host be sent from their world, accompanied by Trill doctors, ‘just to be safe’ did nothing to placate Jadzia’s worry over Lenara’s future. The possibility that Jadzia would have faced the odds to save her life just to lose her after bringing her to safety was a torturous thought.

It was then and there that Jadzia decided that she couldn’t stand the thought of never seeing Lenara again, but she couldn’t justify to herself causing everything that Lenara was to be lost by the time of her passing. The notion of Kahn dying with Lenara seemed to her even more repulsive than that of Dax dying with her, and that said something about her feelings too. Jadzia loved Lenara, but she wanted everything; she wanted them to be together, but to avoid the exile that would surely come of it. And yet, if such a feature was possible, surely others would have tried before her.

If Lenara died or didn’t feel Jadzia was worth the risk, it would be a moot point. However, if Lenara agreed with her… She needed a plan, and part of her knew that this was just an attempt to feel like she was doing something when in reality there was nothing she could do except wait for Lenara to wake up, but at least this was something to keep her mind occupied.

\---

Dr. Otner was Lenara’s next-of-kin, and while his sister was unconscious, the burden of her medical decisions fell on him. Asking that his sister’s visitors be limited was unfair to Jadzia, but within his rights, and she understood where he was coming from, even if she wanted nothing more than to be by Lenara’s side.

Julian had tried to help her, even though he couldn’t violante dr. Otner’s rights. Jadzia appreciated that, even though Julian’s attempts to discreetly give her status updates were becoming increasingly more ridiculous. He would find the most absurd reasons to be in the same room as Jadzia, and then comment offhandedly how Lenara was doing, even though most of the time all he had to say basically translated to ‘no change in her condition’. It was still a sweet gesture, and very much like Julian, so transparent in his attempts to help. He was certainly a much better friend than suitor.

Jadzia was aware of the good friends she had made at the station, and this only served to prove how much they cared about her, each in their own way. Julian by keeping her informed, Benjamin by offering advice and company, even Quark was inviting her to play more often than he used to; but it was Kira, with her lack of tact caused by her passionate sense of fairness, more so than justice, that offered her what she truly needed: the start of a plan.

\---

“I’m sorry, Jadzia, but I just don’t understand!” Kira said frustrated. “How can he just forbid you from seeing her? You used to be married, it’s only natural that you would be worried about her.”

They were having dinner together. Ever since they returned, she hadn’t had a single meal alone, all her friends seemingly taking turns to make her company, although she would bet this wasn’t a coordinated effort, if some of the conflicts were anything to go by.

“That’s not the way he sees it. To him, I’m a risk to his sister, and he has every right to keep me away. Under Trill law, I have no claim over her.” Jadzia tried to keep any emotion from her voice. She could understand Kira’s frustration, but she couldn’t allow herself to feel the same.

“But it surely can’t be against the law to simply be worried about someone you knew in a previous life! He won’t even let you see her.” Kira knew she should be keeping Jadzia’s mind off things, but she couldn’t get over the unfairness of the situation. While Bajor was occupied, it wasn’t unusual for couples and even entire families to be separated because some Cardassian decided to feel important by forcing the relocation of a few workers, and the anger that made her feel was not unlike the one that she felt now.

Jadzia sighed. She knew that Kira meant well, but her anger was misplaced. This couldn’t be resolved by righteous indignation and aggressive resistance. The taboo against reassociation existed to protect Trill society against something that would take centuries to cause any real consequences. How could she possibly make Kira understand that when she herself had trouble accepting it?

“Under other circumstances, perhaps he would have let me, but after what happened in the ship… I haven’t talked to him about it, but I suppose he thinks that if I was willing to risk my life like that to save hers, then I wouldn’t have all that much regard for our rules.”

“That’s ridiculous! You are a Starfleet officer, of course you couldn’t just let her die, it doesn’t mean you still have feelings for her.” Seeing Jadzia’s expression, she asked, “Do you still have feelings for her?”

“It doesn’t matter. Or maybe it does, I’m still trying to decide. Either way, appearances are important in this case.”

That seemed to shock Kira. “They wouldn’t exile you just for appearances and for having feelings, would they?”

“I don’t know. I know there were cases in the past, but I never knew the details. To be honest, it’s not something we often talk about.”

“These are the same people who manipulated your memories to hide their own mistake, so I wouldn’t be surprised, but it’s so unfair. I don’t care what their excuses are, they can’t just do whatever they want like this.”

“Unfortunately they can. I’m not saying this is right, but I see why it’s necessary.”

“Why even let joined Trill marry in the first place then? If the objective is to prevent long lasting relationships between symbionts and they are willing to radically enforce that restriction, why not forbid it entirely?”

That was a fair question, but one Jadzia didn’t have an answer to. “I’m not sure, but relationships between joined Trill are discouraged even if the symbionts don’t have a history. When I met her… when Torias met Nilani, neither one of us was joined yet, we didn’t even know if we would be approved. A couple weeks after I was joined, an old friend came to visit. He didn’t even tell me his name, but he had the Saj symbiont, Carissa Saj and Emony were good friends. He said he had heard of my engagement to Nilani and wanted to advise me against it, because a previous host of his had married a joined Trill, and that only brought him suffering. He didn’t explain what he meant by that, and we haven’t seen each other since, but I ignored him and married Nilani soon after I was joined.”

“So, do you regret marrying Nilani?”

Jadzia shook her head. “Never. And I don’t regret meeting Lenara either, but I have to admit I understand him. Losing your loved ones is hard enough without knowing that a part of them is still alive somewhere, just beyond your reach.”

It was only much later, when Jadzia was laying in her bed, that she really thought about what Kira had said. The same people who manipulated her memories to hide their own mistake. The Symbiosis Commission was so desperate to hide the information that over half the Trill population was able to host symbionts that they were willing to manipulate Dax’s memories and risk its life to protect that secret. She knew that it wasn’t just Jadzia that had almost died that day; if the memories hadn’t been restored, the new host would face the same issues, and died along with the symbiont.

That was valuable information that she had and wasn’t supposed to. She didn’t want to use it, especially because she understood the importance of retaining that information, but she knew it was valuable nonetheless. Before, she would never have thought about blackmailing the Symbiosis Commission, but now she couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if she were to try to use what she knew. After nearly losing her life because of this secret, it seemed only fair that something good could come out of this. She had no way of knowing if it would work, but if it did, perhaps an arrangement could be made. She knew she would never be allowed to publicly have a relationship with Lenara, but if the Commission could be convinced to turn the other way when it came to their private lives, perhaps they could make things work.

It was a longshot, but she had faced worse odds in the past and succeeded, so why shouldn’t the same happen now? At the very least, it gave her something to do. If she could arrange everything beforehand, it would be just a matter of making the decision with Lenara once she recovered. Which would happen, she was sure of it. Jadzia refused to entertain the possibility of the Kahn symbiont being transferred. She didn’t risk her life to save Lenara just to have her die on the station. Lenara would recover, and they would need a plan, that’s what she kept telling herself.

\---

Renhol arrived at the station with a couple Trill doctors and a young initiate, that was to be Kahn’s new host if the worst happened. Jadzia was passing through the Promenade when she saw them arrive, and knowing that this would happen had not prepared her for it as well as she had hoped. Having the potential new host there made more real the possibility that Lenara might not survive, that Jadzia’s efforts to save her might not have been enough. Even though Julian had assured her that it was only a faint possibility and that Lenara’s health was showing signs of improvement, even if not as quickly as he hoped, she couldn’t help but worry, and not having laid eyes of Lenara since they arrived at the station meant her last memory of her was of Lenara’s unconscious body covered by chemical burns. Logically, she knew that most of the burns must have been cured by now, since that would only require a few sessions with a dermal regenerator. However, that image was still stuck in her mind.

Jadzia wondered why Renhol had come. The Symbiosis Commission was a large organization, and more often than not unjoined Trill were sent in this sort of mission. She couldn’t help but wonder if Renhol was there because of her, because she feared that Jadzia would reassociate with Lenara. That wouldn’t surprise Jadzia at all. Although this was one rule she had never broken over the course of her three hundred years, Dax had a bit of a reputation for not being the best behaved, and it wouldn’t be such a leap to think that if anyone would show complete disregard for Trill society, as Lenara had put it, it would be a symbiont that was known for not caring much about the rules in the first place.

Of course, Renhol probably didn’t even dream that Jadzia was thinking about blackmailing her. It was funny that she intended to use the same information Benjamin had used to save her life, and against the same person. Perhaps he had influenced her as much as Curzon had influenced him, and wasn’t that something? Dax always thought that relationships could improve across lifetimes and bring enriching experiences, and Benjamin was the greatest example of that. She wondered what he would think of her plan, but somehow she didn’t think he would approve. It was too risky, too irresponsible, too moved by emotion. And yet, she knew she could always count with his support, even if not with his approval. She wished she could come to Benjamin with this and ask for his advice, but she feared what he would say, and that he would try to dissuade her.

If she really wanted to go against the rules, she would have to confront Renhol alone. Not only because she didn’t want anyone else to be hurt by the potential consequences, but because she knew it was wrong and even shameful. If she hadn’t almost lost Lenara, if she wasn’t still at risk of losing Lenara to an accident so soon after being reunited, perhaps she wouldn’t be considering this as a viable option, but there was no point in lingering about what could have been, as it was, she already had too much to think about.

\---

It was wrong and she knew it. If Julian found out about it, he would feel betrayed, and with reason. He had to respect dr. Otner’s wishes and keep Jadzia away, and so she had to go behind his back to see her. Because she needed to see her. Not because she needed to make a choice, she had already decided what she had to do, she knew what she wanted, and she knew she would do anything to make that possible. No, she wasn’t there to strengthen her resolve or to make up her mind. She was there because if her plans failed, she might never see Lenara again, and she couldn’t stand for her last memory of her to be her being carried away by doctors with her life holding by a thread.

Lenara looked… almost peaceful. As Jadzia had suspected from what she could piece together of Julian’s updates, most of the chemical burns had been healed. The only visible burn now was in her arm, and even that was far better than before. There were limits to how much a dermal regenerator could be used without causing too much stress to an already injured body, but Jadzia had no doubt that in a few days even that injury would be gone. The true causes for concern were the Kahn symbiont, that was still struggling with the effects of the toxic fumes, and Lenara’s neural system, that showed no signs of improvement.

Other than that, she seemed to be just sleeping. Sleeping quietly and peacefully, as if there was nothing wrong. It was hard to believe that she could still die when she seemed to be getting better. Perhaps that was how Nilani had felt when Torias was rescued from the shuttle. Even though now Jadzia knew he hadn’t been in a coma for six months after the accident, but just survived for a couple of days, she could imagine how painful that must have been for Nilani. They didn’t even had a chance to say goodbye, and that was something she would always regret. Perhaps if her next host hadn’t been Joran, so unstable and uncaring, she would have tried to talk to Nilani while the wound was still fresh, and then the pain wouldn’t be so great now. But it was useless to think about that, she couldn’t go back and say goodbye anymore than she could listen to Nilani’s advice and not take that shuttle to a test. Lenara had this ability to get her thinking about the past in a way she wasn’t used to, and that she would rather not.

She stepped closer. She didn’t have much time, someone could come in the infirmary at any moment, and she had to leave before she was found there. Still, she felt like she needed to do something now that she was there. She cupped Lenara’s face, her hand shaking. Part of her wanted to say goodbye, just in case, but a greater part didn’t want to risk inviting misfortune.

“Lenara, I’m… I’m sorry.” It was all she could think of saying. If for not listening, for dying, for still being in love, or for not getting there faster to save her, she didn’t know. Perhaps she was sorry for all of that, or perhaps she was sorry for things she couldn’t even think of yet.

There was more that she wanted to say, that she needed to say, but she couldn’t. Not now, not like this, not when she didn’t even know if Lenara could hear her. Coming there had been a terrible idea, she didn’t get the closure she was hoping for, and seeing her again had set her emotions in turmoil once again.

She left, it was all she could do to stop herself from crying. She needed Lenara to recover, she couldn’t stand the possibility that her life would end like this, and even though this went to prove how much she wanted Lenara in her life, it also showed that she wouldn’t allow her to be exiled and become the final host of Kahn. What she was about to do was dangerous, but she was going to do everything possible so that the risk was only to her, not to Lenara. If Renhol didn’t accept what she was proposing, Jadzia could be exiled or at the very least arrested, but it was a risk that she would have to take.

\---

“Are you out of your mind?” Renhol asked standing up. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

She had come because she was concerned that Dax and Kahn’s feelings might resurface under these stressful circumstances and, although reassociation was rare, when signs that it could happen were caught before anything too drastic happened, all efforts were made to separate the couple before it was too late to protect them. She herself had only done so a handful of times during her many lifetimes, but usually a few strong words were enough to remind both parties that the price of reassociation was too high, and they went their separate ways. What Dax was saying… She couldn’t believe she had just heard that.

“Please, I’m not asking you to change the rules, I’m just asking–”

She hit her hands on the table. “You are just asking me to help you commit one of the greatest crimes in our culture!” She dropped back to the chair, sighing heavily and rubbing her eyes with a hand. “If this is the influence of Joran, I apologize, he should never have been a host, and you shouldn’t have reintegrated his memories, I knew that no good could come of it. I should have reinforced the memory block once you were moved from Curzon, perhaps if it was reinforced after each change of host, it could have lasted indefinitely. Taking that in consideration, I’ll forget what you told me, as long as you keep away from Lenara Kahn from now on.”

“This has nothing to do with Joran, and I don’t want you to ignore what I just told you. I didn’t come here on an impulse, I have been thinking about this for days. I wouldn’t have come to you with this unless I was sure about what I’m asking.”

She shook her head. “Oh, Dax, is this what time among the humans has done to you? Your Captain Sisko also resorted to blackmail, as if the threat of the destruction of our entire society was something to be toyed with. I’m truly disappointed in you, Dax, I never expected this of you.”

“I didn’t expect this either. When Benjamin offered me to take leave from the station, I thought he was exaggerating. Almost a century had passed, and I lived so much in that time. I had many lovers, and fell truly, desperately in love so many times, so it was easy to think that I was long over what we had. But all I had to do was look at her once, and all those feelings were back. I could have ignored them, or I thought I could, but then I realized that Lenara and Jadzia had much more in common than Nelani and Torias ever did, that I could love her more than I had before. And then she almost died, and I realized I would do anything to be with her, but I can’t condemn her to death.”

“Jadzia, you can’t really expect me–”

“No one would have to know. We could be discrete, and if any rumors reached Trill, all I would need is for you to sway the benefit of doubt in our favor. I’m not asking you to ignore a relationship that would cause ultraje in our world, I’m just asking you to help me keep this a secret.”

Renhol sighed, defeated. She knew Dax well enough to know that, when she decided to do something, there was nothing that could stop her. And yet, Dax and Kahn would be great loses to their culture, since both of them had made several important contributions across their lifetimes. She didn’t want them to be exiled if it could be avoided, but she didn’t see how she could keep them apart if this was what they really wanted. She almost wished that Lenara wouldn’t recover and Kahn would need to be transferred to a new host and taken back to Trill, away from Jadzia. She didn’t have to think much about it to know that Dax was the bad influence here, and if she could take Kahn away from that influence, then all would be well again. It was a difficult decision. Especially because she couldn’t be sure if Dax would divulge what she knew in case she was exiled. The safest course of action was one she wouldn’t want to take, but might need to in order to protect their whole society. If Dax was keen to continue with her threat, the safest thing would be to eliminate her, kill host and symbiont. But of course Dax was under the protection of the Captain, that had already shown disregard for their rules. If anything happened to her, Renhol had no way of knowing if he wasn’t going to release that information just as a revenge, even though he was a Starfleet officer and Trill was a member of the same Federation he was sworn to protect, she couldn’t know if his duty to the uniform or to his friends was greater.

“I need to think about this, there’s a lot to consider.”

“I understand.”

“In the meantime, I would appreciate if you didn’t talk to anyone else about this.”

\---

Jadzia feared that something was wrong from the moment Julian entered her room. He was pacing around, doing a disastrous attempt at small talk, which she feared could only mean that the worst had happened and that he didn’t know how to tell her. That’s why she could barely believe what he had to say next.

“Jadzia, she’s awake, and she wants to talk to you,” he said in a serious tone. “I must advise against this. Or at least, I must tell you that she’s still very weak, and that she can’t suffer any kind of stress at this moment. If you go to see her, I would like you to avoid anything that could be perceived as improper, I wouldn’t want dr. Otner or dr. Pren harassing her.”

It took a moment for that information to sink in. Jadzia didn’t even know what to think. Lenara was wake. Lenara wanted to talk to her. Lenara was awake, and alive, and she still wanted to see her.

“Be honest with me, Julian. What are her odds? Will she be alright?”

“She’s awake, my greatest fear was that she wouldn’t be able to, so this is already a good sign. I would say at this point it’s no longer a matter of if she’ll recover, but when. That being said, I don’t think she should travel now, or for the next few weeks for that matter, and it could be a couple of months before she’s able to go back to her regular duties. The brain is a fascinating organ, and there’s much we don’t know about it yet. The treatment seems to have repaired most of the damage down by the toxic fumes, but we’ll only know for certain how her cognitive abilities will be a couple of weeks from now.”

“Julian…”

Julian realized that he was rambling. “Yes, Jadzia, she’ll be alright.”

Jadzia made a little excited noise, and jumped to Julian’s arms, hugging him, laughing and crying. She was so relieved to hear this that, for a moment, she couldn’t care about Trill society, reassociation, and all the trouble that would surely come from that. All she cared about was that Lenara was well, and that she would live.

\---

“My brother didn’t want me to call you,” Lenara said, her voice still weak after days not being used.

“I can understand that.”

“Dr. Bashir told me that Bejal wouldn’t let you come visit or even have news about me while I was unconscious, I’m sorry that he put you through that.”

“Don’t be, he’s just trying to do what’s best for you. We have that in common, although I guess we disagree on what the best thing for you is.”

“Oh, and my opinion doesn’t matter?” Lenara asked playfully.

“What you want is the only thing that matters.”

Lenara’s expression turned to a more serious one. “You shouldn’t have risked the ship to save me. It was irresponsible and it could have costed many lives.”

“If I hadn’t, you would have died, all of you. You know as well as I do that not even your symbiont could survive under those circumstances, and then all that you are would be lost. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that, but I couldn’t let you die.”

“You could have died too. The fumes were as toxic to Dax as they were to Kahn, if anything had gone wrong, then you would have died. The first priority of a joined Trill is to protect the symbiont’s life, and you violated that.”

“What did you expect me to do?” Jadzia asked, raising her voice more than she intended to. “I love you, you know that. I couldn’t just sit there and do nothing while you died right in front of me.”

“No, I suppose you couldn’t, could you? And that is the problem, we love each other too much. More than we should.” She turned her face to the side, away from Jadzia. “If you don’t mind, I would like to get some rest now.”

\---

Jadzia read and reread the message on her pad over and over, trying to convince herself that what was said there was real, because it seemed too perfect to be real. Renhol had sent her the small message: ‘I think I can agree to all of your terms, if you can follow some of mine. Come to meet me so we can discuss the details.’ If she were to be honest, Renhol could ask her for anything and she would give her, as long as that meant she could stay with Lenara. All she needed was a solid proposal, one that she could present t Lenara, then perhaps things could be different between them. She had no delusions about how hard it would be to keep a relationship a secret, but she could deal with hard, hard meant it was possible, and that was all she needed.

\---

Lenara blinked once, twice. What Jadzia was saying was not only hard to believe, it was impossible. She didn’t know Renhol personally, but she couldn’t imagine anyone from the Symbiosis Commission would go along with a plan like this.

“Are you sure this is what she said?”

Jadzia nodded. “She gave me her word, and I’m inclined to believe her. She almost killed me to keep this secret, and she knows the consequences of this being released. I think if it wasn’t for the fact Benjamin knows as well and she can’t get him killed without damaging relations with the rest of the Federation, I wouldn’t have survived even making this proposal.”

“But you wouldn’t… you wouldn’t really do that, would you? If this became common knowledge…”

Jadzia shook her head. “I’m well aware of the stakes, but I guess I have a reputation for acting a bit chaotically, because she believed I would. So, what do you say? Are you willing to take the risk with me?”

Lenara gestured for Jadzia to come closer, so Jadzia sat on the edge of her bed, and Lenara took her hand. Never being on Trill at the same time, not being seen in public alone together, only telling one Trill each about their relationship, writing in her report that the analysis of the wormhole data must be done at the station so she can collect more if necessary, and a few other minor restrictions in exchange for what Renhol would crush any rumors about them being together, and if the worst happened and she could no longer contain that, give them a warning to separate before the Commission saw fit to investigate. It wouldn’t be easy, but few things that are truly worth something ever were.

“Of course I will. There’s no other place that I would like to be more than by your side.”

Jadzia smiled. For all the heartbreak that had been imposed on them, perhaps this time things could have a different ending, a happier one.


End file.
